Hi Folks,
aus gegebenem Anlass möchte ich was teilen, das ich vor längerm mal in einem anderen Forum gefunden habe, ich glaube das war bei Reddit. War ein Letter von einem betrayed an seine wayward. Wurde dann auch nochmal umgsetzt für die Damenwelt. Wurde dann als Vorlage für viele Leute benutzt, die in ihrer Sprachlosigkeit auch in Therapie nicht ausdrücken konnten was sie wirklich erlitten haben.
Vielleicht hat es für einen ja noch eine Bedeutung.
Pfeifchen hatte mir das erlaubt
Sorry, ist in English, hab jetzt keine Lust das alles zu übersetzen:
If you cheat on her, know this:
You will break her. Like the violent shattering of glass as it crashes to the ground, never to be reassembled the same again.
You will not just break her heart.
You will break her trust.
You will break her spirit.
You will break her joy.
You will break her belief in love.
You will break her sense of self, and everything she believed in.
And know this… It will teach her hard lessons that her tender innocent heart didn’t deserve to learn.
That "You are beautiful,” actually means "but not beautiful enough.”
That "You are anziehend” means "but not anziehend enough”
That "You are special,” means "but not special enough to be my only.”
That "You are the love of my life,” means "I don’t respect you enough to remain faithful to my vows.”
That "You can trust me” means "Never fully trust me because I will hide behind lies to serve my own best interest”.
That "You are my forever” means "I will stay with you because we are married, but I will still pursue other women so I can meet my needs”
And that "I love you”really means, well nothing, because Love acts in the best interest of the other person and you did not.
So she will no longer believe in the true meaning of those words.
Also know this… She will not sleep—not through the night, as she counts the cracks in the walls at 3 am, seeking answers from a God she didn’t think she believed in, or cursing the God she thought was there for her.
She will not eat—not by choice, but because she can’t believe this is her reality. You see, the mere thought of you with other women makes her completely sick to her stomach.
She will shut down – Not on purpose, but because she will be consumed by images of you being intimate with others, a gift that was supposed to be just for her, and these images will haunt her mind. Shutting down is the only way she knows how to manage it.
She will not smile—not because there’s nothing to smile for, but because she doesn’t know what these things are anymore. Her new existence is pain and confusion.
She will not care – not because she isn’t a caring person, but because the one thing in the world she cared about most was too distracted by selfishness to remember where his heart should have remained. She will stare – blankly into space, as she watches the flame of her love for you slowly fade to darkness. The dying flame will take with it the remaining admiration, desire, and respect that she had for you.
If you cheat, also know this…
She will cry. A LOT. In front of you, and in private. Grief will hit her at the most unexpected times and this will go on for months, maybe years.
She will scream... a scream so primal you can’t believe it came out of another human being, the shocking sound of soul crushing pain being released from her body because she cannot hold it in any longer.
She will curl into a ball on her best friend’s living room floor, cheek pressed into the carpet—unable to move, and her friend will rub her back trying to calm her and simply whisper "I’m here”
She will get a lump in her throat anytime she even thinks about the past. The past that the two of you shared, a past that no longer makes sense to her because she has no idea what is truth or deceit anymore.
She will rage inside, holding it in, too scared to show the depth of this emotion because even she never thought it was possible to hate you this much, and it scares her.
She will be embarrassed, as she snaps at others for no apparent reason at all and they are stung by her behavior. She will feel scared – as for the first time she truly contemplates suicide. Because the sweet relief from this pain is palpably tempting. She will curse at her reflection and think if only she were prettier, or skinnier maybe she could have held your gaze. Maybe if she were more loving, more affectionate, more successful-if only she were MORE, it would have made a difference.
She will despise herself for not being perfect and she will obsess over this for years to come.
She will scream into the wind by the river, wondering what she did to deserve this, hoping her words will carry far enough to be heard by someone—ANYONE—who can tell her why, why did this happen?
She will not feel. She will be numbed in new ways that her hopeful loving heart had not known to be possible. She will build walls, vowing to never be hurt like this again, and watch as pieces of her essence fall away as collateral damage from this horrible betrayal. And then she will feel everything at once. She will feel devalued, discarded, disassembled, disrespected—she will feel bewildered and betrayed. She will feel completely foolish, humiliated, and full of fear.
She will reach a new level of emotional fragmentation that she has never known before. She will feel hate—toward you, toward the partners, and toward herself, and any circumstance that may have led to this affair. She will feel tethered. To these other women. Perseverating on what they had that was so tantalizing that they could grab your attention so easily and cause you to make poor decision after poor decision. She will feel guilt. For not recognizing the signs sooner. They were all there, the red flags were obvious. How could she not see it? She will shame herself for providing you trust in all aspects of the marriage. Trust that you did NOT deserve. She will feel conflicted. For acting in ways she never otherwise would have as she desperately tries to put the puzzle pieces together of this hellish nightmare as she tries to make sense of it all. She will choke on her own confusion as she tries to hold on, grasping at ways to connect with you, yet yearning to let go of the lying piece of *beep* person that caused all of this pain. And she will feel shame for the inconsistent emotions she is experiencing. Because she loves you and hates you.
Know this… She believed in YOU. She believed in romance and her fairy tale—and that a chivalrous manner meant chivalry in ALL manners of mind, body, and soul.
She believed in honesty—complete and total honesty, and that being honest with your partner, even when difficult, is the cornerstone of intimacy and love. She believed in respect—and that a love respected meant not being stabbed in the back, played for a fool, or lied to under ANY circumstance She believed in love and soulmates—honoring each other always. She believed in trust – total unconditional trust and that meant you would carry yourself in a way that was obvious to all others that you were in a committed relationship. She believed you would protect her—and that being protected meant that you would have the strength to never do anything to hurt her in this way. She believed in YOU. And you betrayed her.
She loved you with every fiber of her being. A pure, innocent, playful love that is God’s greatest gift. She looked up to you as her best friend, lover, protector, soulmate. You were her everything. And if you cheat, she will never look at you the same way again. She will NEVER ever be the same person again. There will be a new form of darkness that will forever inhabit her soul, in places where only light existed. She will have to carry this burden for the rest of her life, a burden she did not ask for, nor did she deserve, as she fights to keep the darkness from fully inhabiting her being. This will be a constant struggle for her because, you see, you have ruined her.
IF she stays with you, know this: You have won the lottery. This is priceless. For her, it took immense courage, determination, time, pain, and choice to climb her way out of the darkness and fight the haunting demons of your betrayal. To fight that gut instinct that is constantly telling her that to trust and love you again is to get hurt again. NEVER forget the gift of her willingness to stay and work through this madness. This hellish nightmare that she never asked for.
This will be no small feat for her, when walking away would have been so much easier.
